Cause I'm Worn...

A few days ago, I was scrolling through Facebook and ran across a song I have heard many times before, but not recently. I quickly hit "play" - expecting nothing other than hearing a good song.  Instead, I broke...completely. In fact, I've listened to it numerous times since then and every single time, it ends in an ugly cry.  I love the song...it's so true. But, I've been healing and working through some tough "Holy Spirit" messages lately and thought I was doing "ok!" Then it hit me...my friends, family, acquaintances, those I've met through all this, etc...they're worn. So worn. 

I feel somewhat guilty.  As I have been trying to maneuver and survive the past 15-ish months, there are so many around me who have also been deeply affected by the actions involved with my situation. I feel somewhat selfish that I've only focused on myself and my kids in all of this.  Have I been a "good enough" friend to those who have supported me in ways I can't even adequately explain?  No, I haven't. The same is true for family members. I have family members who have stopped their own lives to help with mine. Yet, I feel so ashamed because I haven't been able to adequately reciprocate the support and love to them. 

And, as time has progressed since my "blow up," I've watched friends struggle through their own disappointment and hurt caused by this situation (and others).  I've watched friends face their own trials and tribulations head on. I've also watched friends put their guard up in order to hide their own reality.  And, I'm realizing that everyone is so "worn." 

Stay with me here...but, being a Christian and following Jesus is hard sometimes - ok, a lot of times!

It's hard to TRUST when everything falls apart. 

It's hard to BELIEVE that this is His plan.  

It's hard to keep the FAITH when there seems to be no reason for it. (What? You expect me to keep the faith just to be hurt over and over? Gosh, does it sometimes feel that way.)

Yes, there are good things (and praise Jesus for those good things -- marriages between two people who could never dream of hurting the other person, bringing new life into the world, watching kids succeed and soar, the new job that achieves so many goals, etc..).  

Yes, good things are there!  But, sometimes they are hard to see when there is so much hurt and pain.  

This song...it's so spot on...

I'm tired.

I'm worn.

My heart is heavy.

My soul feels crushed.

I'm too weak.

Life just won't let up.

I've lost my will to fight.

 

YES!  All of that.

But, then, we are reminded of the hope we have through our faith in Jesus!  And, well, despite thinking there just isn't much hope...it's there. Because both YOU and I have been given the promise of eternal life. God really can...

Restore us.

Give us rest.

Lift the weights that weigh us down.

Put the pieces back together.

Make us strong again.

Help us see the good in life.

And, hallelujah, he has already won the good fight - for YOU - and me. 

It's OK if we lose our will to fight...because God carries us.

The words of the song are included below. Read them and then listen to the song.  What joy we have knowing that REDEMPTION does win!!

I know this post is a bit scattered.  Sorry for that.  But, I just want YOU (yes, YOU) to know that we can be torn down and worn out...and God still wins...every single time.  Even when you don't see it...He's there.  What a reassurance that is!

So, to my friends and family who have held me up, thank you. But, also - I see you. I feel you. I pray for you. I love you. Put on the armor of God and let's kick the devil to the curb.  He's robbed us of enough. Time for us to watch redemption win!  Because it will...it really will. 

Until next time...Kari [xoxo]

Tenth Avenue North - Worn

I’m Tired I’m worn
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes
To keep on breathing
I’ve made mistakes
I’ve let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world

And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

I know I need to lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won’t let up
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause I’m worn

My prayers are wearing thin
Yeah, I’m worn
Even before the day begins
Yeah, I’m worn
I’ve lost my will to fight
I’m worn
So, heaven come and flood my eyes

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart
That’s frail and torn
I wanna know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that’s dead inside can be reborn
Cause all that’s dead inside will be reborn

Though I’m worn
Yeah I’m worn