Enough. YOU are ENOUGH.

The below was written 4/11/25...

You are enough. 

These 3 words seems so simple...12 letters that say SO much. In fact, they say so much...and I've always struggled with truly believing them. For me (and my "crazy" brain), I was / am never good enough.  Not skinny enough. Not pretty enough. Not tall enough. Not smart enough. Not fit enough. Just that simple...not enough. Now, there are things I think I'm decent at, but the more I sit and think about it, I struggle most with outside physical looks / appearances and what others think about me. I don't think I realized until recently that my "not good enough" is really focused around my appearance and how others view me physically vs. intellectually, etc.  I have believed this for a very, very long time. I was always the shortest person on the team (not tall enough).  I had horrible acne as a teen (not pretty enough). I gained weight in college and after my pregnancies and never have gotten it all back off (not skinny enough). I enjoy running, but I can't do any big races (not fit enough). It doesn't matter...whatever it was, my mind would always convince me I'm not enough.  And, then, my marriage. It was not healthy. I think I knew that then, but I didn't truly realize it (or the extent of it) until recently. My "not enough" turned into obsessive apologizing. I truly believed I wasn't enough for my (now ex-) husband or my kids. Despite trying SO hard to be "perfect", I just couldn't achieve it.  But, darn it, it wasn't for lack of effort!  I'm learning / realizing that I thrive on validation from others. I find my worth in what others think of me. News flash - NOT healthy. Bad idea! I will never be perfect.  But, God made me in his image. God made me on purpose, for a purpose, and with a purpose. I don't think I've really realized what those purposes are yet; however, the "not enough" mindset certainly didn't help me get any closer to figuring that out. ;)  

As I sit back and reflect, I am realizing that Facebook / social media is not a good thing for me. It's where I compare, seek validation, and desire acceptance. WHAT THE HECK?!  Now, seriously, why on earth would it be logical to seek these things from an application where people can hide behind reality and, really, just click a "like" button to keep seeing your posts (vs. truly wanting to see your posts).  Algorithms galore!  Don't get me wrong...social media has its place and truly is a VERY powerful tool / application!  But,it's certainly not the "end all, be all."  It's not worthy of determining my worth, for goodness sake!  

And so...my next mission...to figure out God's plan for my life. I'm SO confused and I want to understand my purpose and where to go from here.

Section END.  

NOTE: I frequently use my blog as a "get it all out journal" and rarely "publish" what I write. This was one of those...until Easter.  

4/20/25...

My church / Pastor has a way of preaching messages that make me think "UM, how does he know? I haven't told anyone how I'm actually feeling, but he just verbalized it in a way I literally can't." Today, at our Easter service, one of the main points was "In His time, Jesus will bring clarity out of confusion." 

We discussed how we have feelings of confusion, stress, being labeled, abandonment, and suffering because of things happening in our life - or has happened in the past.  We likely all have at least 1 - MINIMUM - of these "feelings". But, the promise that God gives us is that (as was done in the resurrection), we have the Holy Spirit in us -- he lives IN us. The same Holy Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead is the same Holy Spirit who lives in us.  

And I knew...just 9 days ago, I was venting about being so confused. The truth is, I actually feel all of the things we talked about (and then some), but I find a level of peace knowing that Jesus will bring clarity in all of this -- in his TIME. As the most impatient person on the planet, this is hard -- and so maddening at times!  But, I have to trust Him.  It's SO dang hard!!!  I'm tired of waiting...trusting...only to wait some more...  

But, then I wonder if I've truly given it all to God. I haven't. I'm a control freak!!  Relinquishing control is so scary!  I just want my plan to align with God's.  Why is that really so hard?!  Because - what if - HIS plan is GREATER. What if relinquishing control will bring clarity? What if truly trusting Him will allow the Holy Spirit to work in and through us? 

So, oddly, as I asked what my purpose was 9 days ago...I got my answer today...GIVE IT TO GOD. ALL OF IT.  

I don't want to, but I have to. I need to. I can't keep going down the roads of confusion, stress, being labeled, feeling abandoned, and suffering because of what HAS or IS currently happening.  Jesus commands us to give it to him and trust his promise of being victorious in our walk with Him (vs. a victim from our past).  Perhaps our "purpose" is to work on ourselves and our relationship with Jesus, rather than worrying about why the past happened and what will happen in the future.  After all...despite our attempt to have control, it's all in HIS hands...not ours.  It won't be easy, but I pray - for you and me - that it's worth it. I also trust that in this process, we will be reassured that we are ENOUGH.  Our worth comes from Jesus - not another human or social media application. I pray for a quiet mind and peaceful heart...for all of us. 

You are a child of God...and you are enough. 

Until next time...Kari [xoxo]