"Kari, you were expected to crumble. You were expected to still be curled up in the fetal position laying on the floor, unable to move."
It's interesting how things can be said 100 different times, but it takes just one time for it to "click." I went home and thought about this. Actually, to be honest, I really did go home and curl up in my recliner with my daughter's super comfy blanket (that she never wants me to use...shhhh). As I was thinking about our conversation, this comment kept replaying in my mind.
"Kari, you were expected to crumble. You were expected to still be curled up in the fetal position laying on the floor, unable to move."
"You were expected to crumble." - This part is true. I completely crumbled when everything hit. I remember being unable to move. I remember thinking, "there is no way this is actually true." I remember the days I had to go into work an hour or so late because physically getting out of bed was not possible. I crumbled. I cried. My heart broke into a million little pieces. The shock wore off over time and reality began to hit. I lost my darn mind multiple times. I went from crying to screaming to numb to sad. I went from shocked to disbelief to "WHAT IN THE HELL JUST HAPPENED...and WHY?!" I remember putting one foot in front of the other and being proud of that step...that single step. So, yes, I crumbled.
But, the story doesn't end here. At first, I thought the crumbles were the end. Turns out, they were just the beginning.
The second part of that statement - "You were expected to still be curled up in the fetal position laying on the floor, unable to move." I think I was like this for a bit. But, then I decided (with the help of some incredibly amazing people) to get up. So, I did it. I got up. I stood on my own two feet. There were days that text messages held me up...others when prayers worked miracles...still others when friends randomly stopped by (sometimes with wine, woo hoo) because "they thought they should" - only to find out, I really needed that random visit.
Divorce is very much like a wave. One day you can jump the wave like a surfing pro...the next day, you can be washed up onto the shore with your surfboard nowhere in sight. However, that doesn't mean you just lay there. It means you get your butt up and go find it. It means you try again. So, NO, I am NOT unable to move. I darn well got up and MOVED. I got UP. And you know what?!
YOU CAN, TOO. YOU CAN GET UP. No matter what your current battle is - health issues, family concerns, divorce, financial troubles, etc. - GET UP! There is HOPE.
One of my all time favorite songs is "Raise a Hallelujah" by Bethel Music. The day after my thought-provoking supper, I heard it. And, I had one of those "ah ha...well played, God, well played" moments. The song's chorus says, "Up from the ashes, hope will arise."
YES! YES! YES!
Up from the crumbles, the ashes, the lowest of the low, HOPE will arise. You will be able to get up and carry on. You will be able to move forward. You will be able to learn from your mistakes. You will be able to function...to live...to grow...to thrive. Because, no matter what - thanks to our one true God, hope is always present. You may not see it at times, but it's there. You can be so broken, but YOU are a child of God - always! No matter the mistakes made or number of times we fall flat on our face, God is always right by us. A really amazing person once told me (on a particularly hard day) to "look to the left, God is there...now look to your right, God is there." Oh the relief that can bring each of us.
Whatever the circumstances may be, always remember: Up from the ashes, hope WILL arise.
Life doesn't always feel hopeful. In fact, when it crumbles, it can feel down right ugly. But, you will rise. And so will I. Let's rise from the ashes together...
Until next time...Kari [xoxo]
Raise a Hallelujah: https://youtu.be/G2XtRuPfaAU
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